Britain lost its 300th soldier in the utterly pointless Afghan conflict yesterday.
eight-and-a-half-years, 300 lives lost, 300 families destroyed, billions of pounds spent and for what exactly?
Now there’s talk about 30,000 more troops and even our Prime Minister admitting more lives will be lost.
Can anyone explain to me why we are still there? Anyone? What exactly are they trying to do?
The Macho posturing after 9/11 has dragged on and on and the so-called crusade to eliminate al-Qaida has utterly failed and led to a Vietnam-style drawn out pointless waste of time, resources, and most importantly lives.
The worst thing is can anyone see the end of it? There’s talk of a slow withdrawal, but they’ve been there for more than eight years, how long is it going to take to leave?
You can’t just pack up and go home.
It’s all very depressing and must be a million times worse for the poor old soldiers who give their all for the country and live in terror of rocket propelled grenades.
Read the headline, I bet you can’t guess where the story I’m writing about comes from.
That’s right folks, that seeting ball of unadulterated bile and hate The Daily Mail has done what it does so well and got people talking about it, in this case, me.
I’ve been sucked into the latest nonsense on their opinion page.
The latest tosh from columnist Peter Hitchens says the police should have somehow predicted the terrifying rampage around Cumbria by gunman Derrick Bird, who shot 12 people before turning the gun on himself.
There are question marks over the police response, and it’s probably fair to say the local coppers in sleepy Cumbrian villages aren’t used to dealing with gunmen but seriously, how could they have known this would happen?
The first paragraph says “yet another ” gun massacre, and then refers to the tragedies in Dublane (1995) and Hungerford (1987).
So that’s three, one of which was in another country, in 23 years – 12 people died in Bird’s rampage, 16 in Hungerford and 17 in Dunblane.
45 deaths, 23 years, three gunmen.
Hardly America is it?
Obviously, even one of these violent massacres is too many, but it’s the typical attitude of the Mail someone must be blamed.
Why was he given a licence? He has a criminal record for theft a long time ago, hardly top of the FBI’s most wanted is he?
He was given a licence because there was no reason at the time not to give him one.
I don’t suppose looking at him someone would have said: “My god, a taxi driver, with a conviction for theft? This man is bound to go on a killing spree, we can’t allow this.”
Hitchens himself admits gun laws in this country are very, very tight anyway, so goes off and tries to find someone else to blame.
A-ha, it’s those bloody doctors, handing out pills to all and sundry.
No evidence, just a hunch that some of the people who carried out the carnage in America were on anti-depressants.
Well yes, it’s likely they probably aren’t of sound mind to decide that it’s acceptable to kill people they’ve never met.
But to suggest a link? I would wager a lot of the killers in the past probably weren’t on anti-depressants.
So, they killed because they were taking anti-depressants? Or was it because they in fact had a screw loose?
This is a mindless attack on everything, “the police show they are no good once someone has commited a crime”, apart from when they are and catch and arrest people.
Granted, it’s tricky to arrest a man who has just blown his own head off, but I bet old Pete’s got a way.
“Send him to prison”
“But he’s dead”
“I don’t care, he needs punishing”
“He’s just shot himself”
“I don’t care, we’ll lock him up until there’s a way of bringing him back to life, so we can give him the death penalty, which we hope will have been re-introduced by that time.”
He’s right though, it would be much better to ban anti-depressants, so instead of gun massacres we see a substantial increase in suicides.
How dare these quacks give people medicine which might help them, this is the greatest hidden scandal in the history of this great country.
Daily Mail’s attitude would probably be to “Pull yourself together”.
This is largely going back to Italia 90 and it’s not the best goals or players or anything boring like that, but the things we are all interested in.
Fouls, cheating, comedy own goals, that sort of thing.
10.
Roger Milla v Columbia
Roger Milla is a hero, for a start no-one knew how old he was, with 45 being the age banded around at the time of this goal.
I love this, I love that Columbia keeper Rene Higuita (later jailed for drug offences) fancies himself as a bit of an outfield player and I love Milla’s (or Miller, it appears no-one knows how to spell his name either) little dance when he scores.
Cameroon were the team of the tournament until they narrowly lost to England in the quarter final after they decided (understandably) they rather liked booting Gary Lineker up in the air.
Great Stuff
9.
Leonardo’s elbow
We’re back in USA 94 here, without England, who didn’t qualify because they had a manager who though Carlton Palmer was an international player rather than a man made out of silly putty.
This is a pretty vicious elbow on America’s Tadd Ramos. I like Kevin Keegan starting to say it was the wrong decision then backing down.
If you watch further Ramos was booked as he was being stretchered off.
8. John Aldridge’s swearing
My oh my, this man was angry, as was his boss Jackie Charlton.
For some reason, Republic of Ireland striker John Aldridge was not allowed on the pitch as a sub, leaving them playing with ten.
This resulted in an volley of savage swearing picked up clearly by the microphones, leading to a great laugh for the multi-billion English-speaking audience, “ya focking cheat” being a particular highlight
NB Why has Jack Charlton got a Geordie accent when his brother has a Manchester accent?
7. Harald Schumacher’s flying elbow
This is more like something seen in WWE than on a football pitch as big-haired German keeper Harald Schumacher takes to the air to ensure Frenchman Patrick spent the rest of his life with as few teeth as possible.
Watch Battiston’s head snap back.
Schumacher wasn’t even booked and those bloody Germans went on to win.
6. Benjamin Massing vs Argentina
Our friends the Cameroonians again, in their odd-defying win over Argentina.
Their tactic was clearly “kick them very hard every time they get the ball” and Benjamin, brilliantly, ended up with a red card after trying to kill Argentina’s Claudio Canniga, possibly enraged by his hair.
I love the fact two Cameroon players previously try to boot him up in the air before the foul, I love the fact his boot comes off and I love the fact a sneaky Argentine deliberately steps on his sock-clad foot prompting a comedy kick.
5. Argie Bargy
The 1990 final was unbelievably boring, apart from this, the first ever sending off in a World Cup Final.
It’s a bit of a lunge by sub Pedro Monzon, but check out the Oscar winning performance from the notorious Jurgen Klinsmann to get him sent off.
I like Klinsmann’s final spasm.
Here’s the vid of the incident and also Fantasy Football’s “Phoenix from the Flames” re-creation.
4.
The Battle of Santiago
One for our older readers (dads) this one.
Chile V Italy in the competition held in the South American country in 1962.
It was basically a 90-minute dust-up between the two countries.
Listen to the over-the-top sanctimony from a young David Coleman.
I hope the viewer back in 1962 thought the same as I do when this stuff happens- “Brilliant”.
Look at the flying kick after 2 mins 18 secs, and the outrage of the commentator who says everything that happens is “the worst he’s ever seen”.
I think Italy lost as well.
3. Worst decision ever
This is the infamous Welshman Clive Thomas deciding there is enough time to take a corner, but seemingly to only take it, as he blows the whistle the very second Brazil legend Zico heads it in to win the game against Sweden at the 1978 tournament.
There’s no English clip of this, but Baddiel and Skinner do a good job re-creating it again.
2. Zaire V Brazil
I think most of us know what this is – the brilliant moment the Zaire defender legs out of the wall to boot the ball clear before anyone’s touched it.
It was their first World Cup, a great achievement, but clearly they played their whole qualifying tournament without ever facing a direct free kick.
Bless ‘Em.
1. The head of God.
It had to be didn’t it? Nothing else would do.
Zinedine Zidane, the greatest player of the modern generation, a genius, the scorer of some of the finest goals ever seen, a man who made the game look so beautiful and so easy, does something so mental in the World Cup Final – his last ever game -no-one will ever forget him.
Taunted by Italian centre back Marco Materazzi (who took the World Cup final back to the schoolyard by talking about Zidane’s mum), Zidane launches into his chest head first like one of those bone-headed dinosaurs, sending the Italian flying.
Confusion ensues, has he got away with it?
No, the eagle-eyed lino spots him and a red card is shown to the French maestro.
Extraordinary, but we’re all going to remember him now aren’t we?
After hearing the “new” version of “Three Lions” Baddiel, Skinner and that fellow from the Lightning Seeds have shamelessly released for the third time for the upcoming World Cup in South Africa, I thought I’d put some thoughts down on what will happen in the upcoming tournament.
This being themultifarious, it won’t be a dissection of each teams’ tactics, key men, managers etc.
Because that’s something that should be reserved largely for the pub.
Things that will happen:
One star player will be injured in training before the tournament prompting the “World cup Heartbreak” headline.
Mark Lawrenson will make some terrible jokes and say “nerr” instead of “no”.
ITV’s coverage will be much worse than the BBC’s.
ITV will use Gazza and Gary Neville as pundits, much to everyone’s embarassment/annoyance.
The phrase “A carnival atmosphere” will be used whenever Brazil are playing.
The Germans will be organised and difficult to beat, eventually doing for England in a most unfair way.
There will be a man supporting one of the African countries painted from head to toe in the country’s colours.
France will do well despite all their players hating each other
Alan Hansen will revel in bad defending.
The viewer will wonder why Alan Shearer refuses to shave off his tuft of hair at the front.
A Mexican wave will prompt a commentator to say “Well, the crowd are enjoying themselves” without realising Mexican waves are only ever done when the football is terrible.
Ivory Coast striker Didier Drogba will constantly fall over, pretend to be injured and whinge, despite being an athletic freak.
Steve Bruce will spend £12 million after the tournament on Ghana’s top scorer, who no-one will ever have heard of.
As an aside, I am interested in seeing what happens when England fans start getting rowdy and doing what they do best, chucking patio chairs around.
In the last World Cup in Germany, the locals looked a bit nervous (probably remembered the war).
This time round, if the England yobs try it in Johannesburg, the likely outcome is being shot, which is a bit different to a bit of good old-fashioned windmilling.
A happy New Year to one and all from Themultifarious.
As the year goes on, we will continue to provide our unique take on the world with more top tens, more irreverent news features, responses and fun.
This year’s first thought is about the pointless subject of New Year’s resolutions.
We have all made them, not stuck to them and by New Year have either forgotten what they were and made the same ones again.
Pointless.
People over emphasise New Year massively, we all know what we need to do, so why wait until Janauary to not do it when you can not do it any time of the year?
I’ve seen a lot of Facebook statuses ( or should that be stati?) wishing people all the best for the 2010 and, in particular, “hoping all their dreams come true”.
My dreams are either totally confusing or involve disasters at work, I don’t want either to come true thanks.
It’s all a bit silly really, ditch the resolutions, we all know what we need to do, so just do it, instead of meaningless promises you’ve already forgotten a month into the year.
As Joe Somebody from X Factor battles it out with a song released more than 10 years ago by a band which has split up for the prestigious Christmas Number one slot, Themultifarious takes a look back at some of the other tragically bad songs to hit the top spot.
This is the top ten worst ever Christmas number ones.
10.
Mr Blobby
The pink idiot from Noel’s House Party somehow became very popular in the early 90s.
One of the least funny characters ever, Blobby spent most of his time falling over.
This is his hit single from 1993, if you can bear it, personally I think it’s more vomit inducing than our top ten sports injuries the other day.
9.
Cliff Richard – Saviour’s Day
Cliff could make a top ten of his own with his sickening overly religious preachy nonsense.
I’ve decided on this one as it features a tin whistle.
Number one from 1990, lots of idiots bought it.
8. Shakin’ Stevens - Merry Christmas Everyone
This guy used to be a sex symbol, but this song, heard from October time in shopping centres around the country is a dreadful piece of festive filth.
Number one from 1985, this Shaky wearing a really terrible jumper on Top of the Pops.
7 . St Winifred’s School Choir – there’s no-one quite like grandma
My own grandmother, 95, would say “What is this ridiculous music? Turn it off” to this, and as always, she’d be spot on.
Ghastly, cringing, cheesy pap from 1980.
6. Benny Hill – Ernie (the fastest milkman in the west).
Benny Hill is a national treasure, but in my mind the bloke is about as funny as serious bowel surgery (he was irritatingly successful in America, which says it all).
This is his “song” about Ernie, a speedy milkman, number one in 1971
5. Wings – Mull of Kintyre/Girls School
Paul McCartney’s godawful band after The Beatles proved he was very much being carried by the rest of them.
His famous Christmas song, the grotesque “simply having a wonderful Christmas time”, mercifully didn’t get to number one.
However, this did and it’s bloody awful.
4. Renee and Renato, “Save your love”.
I think this was meant to be a joke, but not a very good one, as droves of halfwits sent it to the top spot in 1982.
It was a collaboration between Renato, an Aston Villa fan from the West Midlands, and Renee, British singer Hilary Lester to produce this sickly rubbish.
He died earlier this year after brain surgery.
That’s quite sad but there’s no excuses for this.
3. Michael Jackson – Earth Song
Jacko is a legend, but he had a horrible tendency to be ever so preachy.
This is one of his finest efforts, and the song which prompted Pulp singer Jarvis Cocker to invade the stage at the Brit Awards to point to his arse, signaling his displeasure at Jacko apparently making himself out to be Jesus.
Number one in 1995, here’s the video, and Jarvis’s legendary protest.
2. Boney M – Mary’s Boy Child-Oh My Lord
Number one from 1978, hilarious 70′s clothes, awful music and preachy music means this is flying high.
I love the guy’s hair.
1. Cliff Richard – mistletoe and wine
Yup, he’s back, topping all his other religious rubbish with his.
Cliched, cringy lyrics, choirs, cheesy images and old Cliff himself sends this flying to the top.
Why hasn’t there ever been a sniper handy when he gets his singsongs going at Wimbledon?
You’ve probably noticed the latest commercial offering from purveyor of frozen ‘delicacies’, Iceland; an advert that has all the festive spirit of a 7 hour speech by Josef Stalin. If you’ve seen this particular abortion of an ad, you’ll have noticed a spectacularly uncomfortable-looking Jason Donovan grimace and gurn through a musical number so forced in its jollity, most of of the cast and crew members are probably featuring in this at gun point. But my attention turned to Jas’s co-’star’, and the other reason why he might look so uncomfortable: one Coleen Nolan and her uncanny resemblance to child star, Linda Blair’s possessed character Regan in the cult horror film, The Exorcist. Don’t believe me? Have a look for yourselves:
300 down – how many to go?
Britain lost its 300th soldier in the utterly pointless Afghan conflict yesterday.
eight-and-a-half-years, 300 lives lost, 300 families destroyed, billions of pounds spent and for what exactly?
Now there’s talk about 30,000 more troops and even our Prime Minister admitting more lives will be lost.
Can anyone explain to me why we are still there? Anyone? What exactly are they trying to do?
The Macho posturing after 9/11 has dragged on and on and the so-called crusade to eliminate al-Qaida has utterly failed and led to a Vietnam-style drawn out pointless waste of time, resources, and most importantly lives.
The worst thing is can anyone see the end of it? There’s talk of a slow withdrawal, but they’ve been there for more than eight years, how long is it going to take to leave?
You can’t just pack up and go home.
It’s all very depressing and must be a million times worse for the poor old soldiers who give their all for the country and live in terror of rocket propelled grenades.