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Archive for November, 2009|Monthly archive page

Make no mistake – local news is good news.

In Comment on November 14, 2009 at 11:52 am

I came across this column by the exotically named Guardian columnist George Monbiot this week on the subject of the worrying plight of local newspapers.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/nov/09/local-newspapers-democracy

It’s a both saddening and surprising piece from a seemingly well-informed member of the national media.

In it, he claims most local newspapers aren’t worth saving and that they now simply act as a mouthpiece for local authorities.

I’m sorry, but that is utter nonsense.

Local papers are like all other business (and despite what people think, they are a business, out to make money like everyone else), there are good ones, there are very good ones, there are bad ones and there are very bad ones.

The good ones are innovative, led by people who understand news, understand people and understand markets.

The bad ones are led by people who don’t.

I’ll start with his comments on acting as propaganda for local councils.

I am a local journalist, I am friends with other people who are or have been local journalists, my mother is a local journalist and my father has been a local journalist, my step mother is also a journalist with local news experience.

We all absolutely refute the implication council PR is copied verbatum.

I remember a few years ago we were sent a release from the local council called something like “Social care continues to improve”.

It was written in a really positive way but right near the end contained the fact the council had lost a star on a social services inspection.

A quick cuttings search revealed previous problems in the department, few quotes from opposition, a bumbled interview with the lead member, Front page lead, pissed off council, job done.

Councils do things well, and do things badly, it’s only fair to slate them if they need slating and praise them if they need praising.

For example, if there is a Baby P style incident in your area, you’d want to know about it and I think most people would also want to know if the area got the best GCSE results in the country wouldn’t they?

In his column, Monbiot says he supports local news, but it’s clear he thinks it’s largely rubbish.

In my view, if what he’s saying about the paper and Tesco and the town council is true, then it’s disgracefully poor journalism.

He’s clearly gone out of his way to find an extreme example of something that’s really craply done, not an example of everyday life on newspapers.

He might also be interested to know I have got stories from all sorts of sources including noticing far-right slogans written on lamposts, from single sentences in obscure meeting agendas and from seemingly innocuous planning applications.

That example is appalling, it’s a matter of course to find whether things are true or not, if they’re not, we swear at wasting all our time and get on with the next thing.

Time is an issue, we are massively understaffed (two reporters and an editor on my paper,  try a week long inquest coupled with evening meetings and giant news list on for size), so we can’t give things the time they deserve.

That said, we work bloody hard and we work bloody well.

So imagine what it’s like if you don’t have a local newspaper.

You’ll find all of a sudden someone is wanting to build 100 houses at the bottom of your garden, why didn’t you know? Let’s get a protest together, oh wait, how do we publicise it?

Your child’s school gets a stinking Ofsted report. Why is it so bad? What are they doing about it?

Your local council loses loads of money after investing it collapsed banks of Iceland, how do you know about it? Are they getting any back? Why did it happen?

You can find the answer yourself, but you have to work bloody hard to get the word out.

You want to run as MP, no local paper = no-one having a clue who you are.

Crime is another one, without local news, no-one would know about burglaries in their area, a sex attacker on the loose or strange people lurking outside schools.

These are all important snippets of life without local papers people simply wouldn’t know about.

People also need to know how decisions are made, often by self-important morons who hold far too much power than their tiny brains can cope with.

Local news shows people what is happening in the area, how terrifyingly dim some local politicians are, how bad some decisions are, how good things are, what to look out for, what will be built, what won’t be built, how good your hospital/council is, how broke your hospital/council is, the stupid things hospitals/councils have spent money on, what’s happening at schools, what happens in the community, what the MP has claimed for ( I can tell you 800 pages of our local MP’s claims was a fun afternoon),  how to join the art club, what’s on at the cinema, what was in the news 10 years ago, what’s on telly and how good/bad/terrible local sport is.

And much more.

There’s no doubt local news is struggling and like in any business scenario the strong will survive, but to sum it all up as propaganda for local authorities is drivel.

Top Ten Angry People

In Top Tens on November 9, 2009 at 9:53 pm

Rage is everywhere – the roads, the workplace, the classroom, the home – everywhere.

Some people try not to lose their tempers.
Others thrive on it, and live their lives very angry about everything.

This is the top ten angry people.

10. The Reverend Ian Paisley.

How can a man so devout be so enraged by everything?

His reign of 37 years as leader of the Democratic Unionist Party in Northern Ireland featured countless terrifying rants against everything from terrorists to the Pope, who he referred to as “The Antichrist.”

Here’s some clips of him in action

9.

Roy Keane

Another Irishman, this time from the Republic.
The Man Utd midfielder was well known for being a bit angry.
Famous moments include his massive fall-out with Republic of Ireland manager where he said “You’re not even Irish you English c**t, so stick it up your b******s.”
Not sure it makes much sense, but it’s very enraged.
Other highlights include the horrific tackle on Alfie Inge Haaland, which he later admitted he did on purpose after a bust up in a previous game.
He also always used to try and fight with the equally angry Patrick Viera of Arsenal.

Here is the aformentioned tackle.

Not technically a real person, but he used to get well lairy when he was outsmarted by Bugs Bunny, to the point where he’d pull out his guns and start blasting.

Here’s some of their antics

7. BA Baracus

BA, standing for BadAss, used to become incandescent when faced with his A-team colleague Howlin’ Mad Murdoch and when anyone tried getting him on a plane.
However, when faced with milk before a flight, he lapped it up and instantly became unconcious.

Here’s some examples

6.

The Incredible Hulk

You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry,

Damn right, he becomes massive, green and develops an unusual skill of jumping miles.

Bruce Banner’s alter-ego the Hulk was seriously angry

This is the classic 80s cartoon intro

5.
5.

The Ultimate Warrior

One of the greatest wrestlers was famous for two things, his incoherent shoutings and rampant steroid abuse.

Here’s an example of his work

4.

Trevor off Eastenders

The mad Scot who little Mo eventually clobbered with an iron was a seriously unstable chap, whispering in his scary accent before exploding.

Here’s a scary scene with Trev at his most evil

3. Trevor Brennan

Strangely another Trevor, and one you probably won’t have heard of.
Trevor was a rugby player well known for a short fuse on the field, one day, playing in France, some abuse from the crowd led to the Big Irishman wading in the crowd to attack the gobby spectator, thus earning himself a life ban.

Sadly there don’t seem to be any videos of it, but it was likely to have been spectacular.

2.  Mike Tyson

Where do we start? Prison, ear-biting, brawls, mental tattoos, Tyson is a man who lived in a perpetual world of extreme rage.

We know he was one of the greatest boxers ever, but boy oh boy was he driven by rage.

Here’s the famous ear-biting of Evander Holyfield.

1.  Number one is William Foster from the film Falling Down

The mild mannered unemployed defence worker just decides to lash out against the world in a spectacularly violent and oh-so angry way.

The breakfast scene is a classic.

Top Ten Heckler Encounters

In Top Tens on November 2, 2009 at 11:43 pm

It’s bloody hard work standing up in front of a crowd at the best of times; standing up in front of a room full of expectant people and trying to make them laugh is getting into open heart surgery levels of trickiness. Having some dirty-necked wag, confidence and already enormous ego boosted by ‘premium’ lager, yelling incoherently at you from the back of a working men’s club while you’re riffing gaily about the difference between the bathroom habits of men and women could spell comedy disaster for even the most seasoned funnymen and women.

However, high stakes make for big laughs and it is because of this that there are few things funnier than seeing a loudmouth heckler get taken down a peg or twenty by the man or woman with the mic, and in honour of this most mirth-inducing of phenomenon, I’ve compiled my top ten best heckles and their subsequent putdowns.

  1. Bill Clinton vs. Random AIDS Activist
  2. It was 1992, and presidential hopeful, keen amateur sax player and cigar enthusiast, Bill Clinton, was on the campaign trail, only to be faced with a heckler, Bob Rafsky, from AIDS activist group, Act Up. Rafsky scores early points in this encounter and Bill looks peeved. However, he rallies magnificently and delivers a fine lecture on courtesy like the good, ol’ Southern boy that he is, putting Rafsky firmly in his place. Bill went on to win the election and our hearts to boot.

  3. Kevin Smith vs. Man-boobed Gentleman

  4. A nerd – A NERD! – thinks he can get the better of film maker, Kevin Smith, in a slightly crude, but very effective crushing. It is quite obvious that the victim still lives with his mother.

  5. Toledo Mayor vs. Stoned Heckler

  6. Priceless encounter between smarmy politician and an off-screen, whacked-out, stoner, boo merchant during a TV interview. The restraint this man shows is admirable, but so is the hippy’s commitment to disrupting proceedings. Enjoyable, but could do with more swearing.

  7. George Carlin vs Unfortunate Member Of The Audience

  8. It’s obvious that gravel-voiced American comic, George Carlin, does not like to be interrupted when he’s doing his job, as the unfortunate ‘star’ of this video found out. Carlin fails to hold back in this masterclass of creative abuse.

  9. Bill Hicks vs Drunk Woman In The Audience

  10. A tonne of red-hot rage bricks is dropped on a rather foolhardy member of the audience by the other Bill in this list. Bill Hicks, that is. The moral of this story? You can’t outshout or outswear the man with the mic.

  11. Richard Herring vs. Drunk Farmer

  12. Some people just don’t know when to put a sock in it. This one in particular. I’m not sure how well Herring handles this one in the end as he does look a little bit stressed throughout. Worth watching to the end just to hear the security guard’s radio buzz through with the signal that the heckler’s evening is about to get cut short.

  13. Red-kneck, Guitar Swordsman vs. Unseen Man

  14. Comedians tend to use their verbal dexterity to deal with hecklers. Not this chap; utterly lacking in the aforementioned skill to handle a particular member of a restive crowd of cowboys, he plumps for the nearest thing to hand: his guitar. Stay watching to the end to hear the hi-larious accents of the good folk of somewhere-deep-South demanding their money back.

  15. Pauley Shore vs. Enormous Cowboy Wearing Ridiculous Ten-gallon Stetson

  16. He’s a stony, crusty dude and star of one of my fave films of the early 90s, California Man, but Pauley Shore doesn’t know when to quit winding up these slow-witted cowpokes. One where the heckler gets the last laugh.

  17. Brendon Burns vs. Irate Asian Lady With Extreme Sense Of Humour Failure

  18. Accusations of racism fly back and forth as Mr. Burns lays the smackdown on a lady with a rather large and angry bee in her bonnet. Check out the facepalms from members of the audience as she completely gets the wrong end of the stick each time it’s handed to her.

  19. Jimmy Carr vs. Audience Random

  20. Jimmy Carr: he of the permanently smug face and patronising voice. And you can see why he looks so pleased with himself all the time as he mercilessly and deftly destroys this simple-looking chap who dares speak up during one of his shows.  You have to ask yourself, do these people really think that they have what it takes to tangle with the professionals?

So there you have it, folks. To be a successful heckler you need brains, balls and to be the right side of 10 pints of Stella Artois. Not something that is likely to happen any time you might find yourself in a comedy club. Remember: leave the funny business to the professionals.

Top ten action film cliches

In Top Tens on November 2, 2009 at 7:21 pm

We all love the movies and most like action films starring the likes of Arnie before he became a politician, Sly Stallone and Jean-Claude Van Damme, definitely the hardest bloke in the world called Jean-Claude.

But they are particularly formulaic and have themes which crop up over and over again.

This is the top ten action film cliches

10.  No matter where they are, if a hero has to commandeer a vehicle, it always has a full tank of petrol and they never do what everyone else does when driving a different car and stall it when they try to pull away.

9. Enemies are always terrible shots, our hero/heroine is able to pull off insant kills with one shot, but the baddies shoot beside them, over their heads, are very good at hitting the things they are standing next to, but if they do hit them it’s a graze.

8. Likewise, when it comes to hand to hand combat, the baddies are knocked out with one punch, but our hero/heroine takes a superhuman beating to overcome all the odds.

7. Except for one or two, the leader and one of his henchman nearly always have the rather useful ability to rise from the dead.

6.  People who would hate each other in real life, fall in love/ become inseparable buddies.

5. Explosions very rarely kill people

4.  Enemy leaders speak perfect English in a very heavy, comical foreign accents.

3. Helicopters blow up if you shoot them

2. Guns never run out of  bullets unless you have a free shot at the enemy leader who is tied up helplessly

1.  If you get hit by a car, you don’t suffer fatal head injuries, you roll over the bonnet and are able to carry on running.

Top ten Sports Fights

In Comment, Multifarious, News, Sport, Top Tens on November 1, 2009 at 9:51 pm

Welcome to a new section of The Multifarious called top tens

We hope to bring at least one new top ten a day and they are exactly as they sound, we’d like people to send in their own as well.

This is the top ten sports fights

10.

Look at them go, this is an epic punch up in Australian rugby in 1981, everyone goes in but there are two blokes absolutely piling into each other in a separate brawl.

It gains extra points for featuring newspaper outrage.

9.

French rugby

I’m not sure who the two teams are here, but rest assured they don’t like each other, look out for the bit where no 10 nearly gets thrown into the crowd.

8.

British Lions Vs Australia 1989

The boys standing up for themselves in the days men were men and moustaches were moustaches. Some top class windmilling here.

7.  Brian London Vs Dick Richardson 1960

Couldn’t find a video of this boxing classic, but it features in this one, which also has a brilliant clip of a boxer’s mum coming in the ring and attacking his opponent with her shoe.

It’s the black and white clip about 6.30 minutes in, I love how old fashioned it looks, especially when the rozzers come in.

6. Barcelona Vs Athletico Madrid

It all kicks off here, that little curly-haired man kicking everyone left footed is none other than Diego “dirty cheating Argentinian Bastard” Maradonna, who was clearly fed up at being booted up in the air every time he got the ball.

5. This is a top compliation featuring some nasty fouls, but it’s about 2.20 in you’re after, the brawl is OK, but the priceless moment for me is when the bloke leaps down the tunnel when he’s being chased.

4. New Zealand Maori Vs Cook Islands rugby league

This is a little known gem, featuring lots of ludicrously fired-up rugby league players trying to out war-dance each other.

3. A wonderful picture of 1970s football here, silly hair, terrible kits and some world class windmilling from the legendary Francis Lee.

2.  

Lee Bowyer Vs Keiron Dyer

The football gods were smiling on us all when two of the most hated footballers playing for the most laughed at team in the country proceed to start brawling with each other in the middle of a game.

1. bet you didn’t think no 1 would be in basketball did you?

This is the extraordinary brawl between the Indiana Pacers and The Detroit Pistons, it starts off with a bit of pushing and shoving and ends up with the players steaming into the crowd.

It’s disgraceful, yet brilliant as well.

http://video.google.co.uk/videosearch?q=indiana+pacers+fight&hl=en&emb=0&aq=0&oq=indiana+pac#

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