Tis the season of musical garbage.
As Joe Somebody from X Factor battles it out with a song released more than 10 years ago by a band which has split up for the prestigious Christmas Number one slot, Themultifarious takes a look back at some of the other tragically bad songs to hit the top spot.
This is the top ten worst ever Christmas number ones.
10.
Mr Blobby
The pink idiot from Noel’s House Party somehow became very popular in the early 90s.
One of the least funny characters ever, Blobby spent most of his time falling over.
This is his hit single from 1993, if you can bear it, personally I think it’s more vomit inducing than our top ten sports injuries the other day.
9.
Cliff Richard – Saviour’s Day
Cliff could make a top ten of his own with his sickening overly religious preachy nonsense.
I’ve decided on this one as it features a tin whistle.
Number one from 1990, lots of idiots bought it.
8. Shakin’ Stevens - Merry Christmas Everyone
This guy used to be a sex symbol, but this song, heard from October time in shopping centres around the country is a dreadful piece of festive filth.
Number one from 1985, this Shaky wearing a really terrible jumper on Top of the Pops.
7 . St Winifred’s School Choir – there’s no-one quite like grandma
My own grandmother, 95, would say “What is this ridiculous music? Turn it off” to this, and as always, she’d be spot on.
Ghastly, cringing, cheesy pap from 1980.
6. Benny Hill – Ernie (the fastest milkman in the west).
Benny Hill is a national treasure, but in my mind the bloke is about as funny as serious bowel surgery (he was irritatingly successful in America, which says it all).
This is his “song” about Ernie, a speedy milkman, number one in 1971
5. Wings – Mull of Kintyre/Girls School
Paul McCartney’s godawful band after The Beatles proved he was very much being carried by the rest of them.
His famous Christmas song, the grotesque “simply having a wonderful Christmas time”, mercifully didn’t get to number one.
However, this did and it’s bloody awful.
4. Renee and Renato, “Save your love”.
I think this was meant to be a joke, but not a very good one, as droves of halfwits sent it to the top spot in 1982.
It was a collaboration between Renato, an Aston Villa fan from the West Midlands, and Renee, British singer Hilary Lester to produce this sickly rubbish.
He died earlier this year after brain surgery.
That’s quite sad but there’s no excuses for this.
3. Michael Jackson – Earth Song
Jacko is a legend, but he had a horrible tendency to be ever so preachy.
This is one of his finest efforts, and the song which prompted Pulp singer Jarvis Cocker to invade the stage at the Brit Awards to point to his arse, signaling his displeasure at Jacko apparently making himself out to be Jesus.
Number one in 1995, here’s the video, and Jarvis’s legendary protest.
2. Boney M – Mary’s Boy Child-Oh My Lord
Number one from 1978, hilarious 70′s clothes, awful music and preachy music means this is flying high.
I love the guy’s hair.
1. Cliff Richard – mistletoe and wine
Yup, he’s back, topping all his other religious rubbish with his.
Cliched, cringy lyrics, choirs, cheesy images and old Cliff himself sends this flying to the top.
Why hasn’t there ever been a sniper handy when he gets his singsongs going at Wimbledon?
