Music can be sublime, beautiful, inspiring and memorable
It can also be dreadful, horrific and drive you up the wall.
This, unfortunately, is the latter.
We all know the songs, the ones which make you think “What in God’s name was that?” before it stays in your head driving you bonkers for the rest of the day.
These are my selections, if you don’t agree please comment below with your own suggestions.
10. Barbie Girl – Aqua
This was Number One in the charts for far too long at some points in the late 1990s.
This was a godawful piece of Europop from a group called Aqua, who were surprisingly successful and even down the line made a “serious” record.
Serious this aint, documenting what it’s like to be a doll in a serious relationship.
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9.mmmbop - Hanson
Yeah, we all remember this.
Three brothers who looked like girls with high voices put out this ridiculously annoying song called “mmmbop”.
“What’s an mmmbop?” I hear you ask.
I don’t know, but it’s something clearly very annoying.
This reminds me of a friend of mine who walked in the room while this vid was playing, saw the lead singer and went “Cor, she’s fit” before realising he had made a fatal, never-to-be-forgotten error.
8. Agadoo-Black Lace
This piece of 1984 garbage by Black Lace never made it to Number One, which is merciful, but is still always played at hotels full of Scottish holidaymakers armed with hilarious fake plastic bottoms in Torremelinos.
“Push pineapple shake the tree” – inspired.
Q Magazine, where people know way more than me about these things, declared it the worst song ever made.
EDIT: It appears WordPress hates it too, as it won’t let me up load the video. It’s here.
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=agadoo&aq=f
7. Beautiful South
If there was an award for most annoying band, this lot would cruise to it.
I’ve always loathed their bland, pointless music.
Then, as I got older I heard their meaningless, stupid lyrics, and they became an instant “station changer” in the car.
There’s a wide range of their rubbish available on youtube this is one chosen at random, they’re all equally terrible.
6. Saturday Night-Whigfield
A Danish singer called Whigfield made this hateful bit of Eurodancepop nonsense when I was a kid at school.
Like most terrible songs it came with an accompanying dance which all the girls did at school discos while the boys sat and tried to be cool.
5. King of Rock and Roll- Prefab Sprout
This is regarded as an 80s classic, but I loathe it.
It’s the stupid chorus “hot dog, jumping frog, Al-ber-querque that particularly gets me.
What does it mean?
Bog all that’s what
It’s irritating from start to finish and a real sticker in your head.
4. Blue – Eiffel 65
Those Europeans have a lot to answer for.
First Aqua, then Whigfield, then this.
Blue, the tale of a little blue man living in a little blue world is a mind-meltingly repetitive piece of non-music.
Rubbish.
3. Rockstar-Nickelback
To a man, people who know about music all hate Nickelback.
They sold huge amounts of records in America, which suggests their brand of super-commercial rock music is rubbish.
Then, they annoyed music snobs even more by producing this cheesy attempt at irony saying people want live a rock star life rather than do it for the music like man.
The irony being that this is a super-annoying attempt at producing a catchy bestseller.
Yah, this is like way too commercial man.
2. birdie Song
Don’t really need to say much about this, still heard a lot in wedding discos.
There’s no proper vid, but lots of annoying things available instead.
1.Achy Breaky Heart
Miley Cyrus senior had a tremendous mullet, and did something no-one should ever do and brought country and western to the mainstream British public.
It did well in the charts and again sold loads in America, where they like that sort of thing, like they like guns, big portions and preachers.
Top Ten Kids TV Themes
In Comment, Television, Top Tens on December 5, 2010 at 3:37 pmPeople my age (cough, 29), spend a lot of time talking about the good old days of kids TV.
The 80s and 90s were where it was at for TV, where it seemed good music was just as important as a good show.
Here’s the Top Ten Kids TV Themes.
There are two things to point out here.
One, this is the best music, not the best show, there may well be some stinkers below.
Two, I am a man, therefore as a child I didn’t watch girl’s programmes, therefore, the music I have selcted is distinctly boy-ee.
If any ladies out there want to do a more girly top ten, or make some suggestions, I’ll happily put it up.
10.
Chipmunks Go to the Movies
This was a little-remembered spin-off from Alvin and the Chipmunks cartoon.
In it, Alvin and his chums re-create scenes from famous films.
It wasn’t classic but the music is ace.
9. Dogtanian and the Three Muskerhounds
A take on the clasic story of the Three Musketeers, but with dogs.
I like the bit in the intro where Dogtanian defies the laws of physics to cut up a floating apple.
8.
Darkwing Duck
This is a bit more modern, mid 90s I reckon.
Can’t remember much about the show to be honest, apart from that it was about a mysterious crime-fighting duck.
Great music though, including the genius “whenever you’re in trouble you call DW” line.
Lets Get Dangerous.
7. Danger Mouse
A very funny cartoon starring the vocal talents of David Jason, who was also Count Duckula in a later show.
Danger Mouse and his timid sidekick Penfold were secret agents battling the evil Baron Greenback and his weird furry mate called Stiletto.
6.
Bucky O’Hare
I remember getting very excited as a nine-year-old when this came on.
It’s about a speccy kid who somehow finds himself embroiled in a space war between mammals and toads.
The mammals were led by the brilliantly named Bucky O’Hare, who flew around in the even more brilliantly named ship “The Righteous Indignation”.
5.
Thundercats
We all remember this one, alien planet of cat-people battling scary baddie Mumm-ra.
Check out Liono’s bouff, and Panthro had the best voice ever.
Snarf was a right dork though.
4. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
This caused a stir back in 1989, where every boy in the country got very excited and started playing ninja in the playground.
Happily, this was before the days of health and safety so we were able to kick and punch each other (for a bit anyway).
Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo spent their time living in the sewer eating pizza and beating up The Shredder and his foot soldiers.
3. Defenders of the Earth
Flash Gordon was the leader of defenders of the earth (which sounds rather like an environment group), who fought endlessly against the Ming the Merciless.
Lothar was an absolute badass.
2.
The A-Team
Interestingly, back in 1972 a crack commando unit was wrongly imprisoned for a crime they claimed they did not commit, however, these men escaped, promptly, in to the Los Angeles underground where they continued to survive, but as soldiers of fortune.
They are a little tricky to track down, but if you are in trouble, and if you can find them, maybe you could hire, for a reasonable price and a guaranteed no win, no fee…..The A-Team.
In the show, Hannibal Smith, BA Baracus, Howlin’ mad Murdoch and Faceman Templeton Peck (played by the equally stupid named Dirk Benedict), were hunted by useless bad guy Colonel Decker.
It was famous for the same thing happening in every episode, they’d find themselves locked in a barn with a lot of welding equipment and an old tractor, which they’d then turn into a home-made tank.
Then they’d have a huge gun fight where no-one got shot and a car would go flying through the air before landing on its open top roof with all the occupants then crawling out unhurt.
Good choon though.
To number one and some excellent music to a show everyone remembers but no-one can remember much about.
In the Mysterious Cities of Gold, a group of children flew about in a giant golden condor trying to find El Dorado, the lost city of gold.
I can’t remember anything about it, did they find it or were they all killed in a tragic condor crash?
Also, how did someone manage to build a flying metal bird in the 16th century?
Answers below…..