None of your fluffy nonsense here, this is the definitive list of things that will eat you or kill you in an extremely unpleasant way.
This is the top ten mean animals.
10. Komodo dragon
This cheery customer is a massive 10ft long flesh eating lizard which only eats rotting flesh.
So, it will bite you, then let you escape.
Hurrah, you think, but what you don’t realise that that it is following you, waiting for you to die from its venomous bite , before waiting for a few more days days and then eating you.
They are seriously sinister looking animals.
Here’s one in action.
9.
African elephant
None of its wimpy Indian cousin here, this is the only vegetarian to make the list and is here because it is bloody clever.
It will trample you, gore you with its tusks and it’ll beat you over the head with its trunk and throw you into a tree, just for shits and giggles.
Apparently, 500 people are killed by elephants every year and they’re bloomin’ gigantic, so they’re in.
This is a herd of elephants winning a turf war with a pride of lions, look closely and you’ll see one of the buffalo has impaled a lion on it’s horn, right at the beginning.
8.
Anaconda
The world’s biggest snake is a mean hombre, it’ll wrap its coils around you,crush you to death and then spend a month digesting you.
It’s also a truly terrible film starring Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube.
The largest one ever seen was 28ft long and thought to weigh over 500lbs.
They get in on pure evil looks alone. Scary.
7.
Stonefish
For god’s sake, do not tread on one of these ugly brutes.
It’s Latin name is Horrida, which pretty much sums this fish up.
It’s small, but horrendously poisonous, the most poisonous fish in the world.
The internet tells me if you are poisoned by one of these it’s some of the worst pain known to man.
The worst thing? Their hunting technique involves lying, camouflaged on the sea bed, waiting for fish to swim past.
The thing is, its super mega-powerful venom is only for defence. Cheery. It’s like shooting someone for brushing past you.
Here’s a vid, presented by the most annoying man in the world, hopefully he steps on one.
6.
Giant Squid
Most giant things are badass, apart grom giant African land snails, which are rubbish.
The giant squid gains points for hardly being seen alive in the wild, for something that massive that’s pretty good.
It also gets points for its other name, the devilfish.
A dead one found was 59 feet long. Yikes.
They’ve also got the biggest eyes in the animal world, so can give you a good staring while crushing you with its TEN tentacles.
Evidence also suggests they attack and eat whales.
They have two longer feeding tentacles, which have suckers that are equipped with actual genuine teeth, so while it’s crushing you it’ll rip big holes in you as well.
Here’s some of the only footage of them around.
5.
Sperm Whale
Moby Dick is above the giant squid for one simple reason – it eats them.
The sperm whale not only has a funny name, it has teeth which weigh a kilo each and the thickest hide in the animal world, up to 35cm.
Up to 67 ft long, it is the deepest diving mammal and can dive up to 3km deep, that’s about two miles folks.
I think the best thing about it is that it’s head takes up most of its body.
Here’s some more on whale squid rivalry, for some reason presented by Kryten from Red Dwarf.
4.
Box Jellyfish
The biggest killer of man has to feature high up.
Found in Australia, they like to tangle swimmers up in their tentacles.
They’re not very big but boy oh boy are they venomous.
It’s apparently caused more than 5,000 deaths.
Cheerfully, it’s poison is so potent and painful, most people die of shock before they even get to shore.
Here’s a vid starring the late, great, Steve Irwin.
3. Killer Whale
The scariest looking animal around likes to eat humpback whales tongues and throw big seals around for fun.
The “wolf of the sea” is fast, hard, has loads of teeth and is very, very clever.
They hunt in packs and science folk reckon they can devise different ways of attacking different types of prey.
Here’s another vid of them attacking sea lions with very annoying American commentary.
2. Salt Water Crocodile
The massive, armour plated primitive reptiles are super-scary and, as their name suggests, they can survive both in fresh and salt water.
Which means twice as many chances to eat swimmers.
It’s known as an “Apex predator” which essentially means “Top dog, no-one eats me”.
Someone has put together some of Salties finest moments to a very angry song called “let the bodies hit the floor” by Drowning Pool, which kind of works.
- Great White Shark
No surprises here, Jaws has to be number one.
Not many people have fears about crocodiles, whales or elephants, but a lot of people are distinctly uncomfortable at the idea of having their legs bitten off when swimming.
As the beardy science bloke says in Jaws, “What we are dealing with is a perfect engine, an eating machine. It’s really a miracle of evolution. All this machine does is swim and eat and makes little sharks, and that’s all.”
And that’s all, the thing is, it’s brilliant at it.
And boy is it ugly.
Loads and loads of massive teeth, big fin, scary, classic film.
Only one winner here.
during my search I came across this ridiculous creature, it’s called the megamouth shark and looks properly retarded.
Enjoy.
Top Ten Driven By Rage
In Comment, Multifarious, Top Tens on October 12, 2010 at 6:54 pmThis is our most viewed post ever, so I thought I’d bring it back to the the top.
As the author I’m particularly pleased with this one.
Enjoy.
Rage is everywhere – the roads, the workplace, the classroom, the home – everywhere.
Some people try not to lose their tempers.
Others thrive on it, and live their lives very angry about everything.
This is the top ten angry people.
10. The Reverend Ian Paisley.
How can a man so devout be so enraged by everything?
His reign of 37 years as leader of the Democratic Unionist Party in Northern Ireland featured countless terrifying rants against everything from terrorists to the Pope, who he referred to as “The Antichrist.”
Here’s some clips of him in action
9.
Roy Keane
Another Irishman, this time from the Republic.
The Man Utd midfielder was well known for being a bit angry.
Famous moments include his massive fall-out with Republic of Ireland manager Mick McCarthy where he said “You’re not even Irish you English c**t, so stick it up your b******s.”
Not sure it makes much sense, but it’s very enraged.
Other highlights include the horrific tackle on Alfie Inge Haaland, which he later admitted he did on purpose after a bust up in a previous game.
He also always used to try and fight with the equally angry Patrick Viera of Arsenal.
Here is the aformentioned tackle.
7. Yosemite Sam
Not technically a real person, but he used to get well lairy when he was outsmarted by Bugs Bunny, to the point where he’d pull out his guns and start blasting.
Here’s some of their antics
7. BA Baracus
BA, standing for BadAss, used to become incandescent when faced with his A-team colleague Howlin’ Mad Murdoch and when anyone tried getting him on a plane.
However, when faced with milk before a flight, he lapped it up and instantly became unconcious.
Here’s some examples
6.
The Incredible Hulk
You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry,
Damn right, he becomes massive, green and develops an unusual skill of jumping miles.
Bruce Banner’s alter-ego the Hulk was seriously angry
This is the classic 80s cartoon intro
5.
The Ultimate Warrior
One of the greatest wrestlers was famous for two things, his incoherent shoutings and rampant steroid abuse.
Here’s an example of his work
4.
Trevor off Eastenders
The mad Scot who little Mo eventually clobbered with an iron was a seriously unstable chap, whispering in his scary accent before exploding.
Here’s a scary scene with Trev at his most evil
3. Trevor Brennan
Strangely another Trevor, and one you probably won’t have heard of.
Trevor was a rugby player well known for a short fuse on the field, one day, playing in France, some abuse from the crowd led to the Big Irishman wading in the crowd to attack the gobby spectator, thus earning himself a life ban.
Sadly there don’t seem to be any videos of it, but it was likely to have been spectacular.
2. Mike Tyson
Where do we start? Prison, ear-biting, brawls, mental tattoos, Tyson is a man who lived in a perpetual world of extreme rage.
We know he was one of the greatest boxers ever, but boy oh boy was he driven by rage.
Here’s the famous ear-biting of Evander Holyfield.
1. Number one is William Foster from the film Falling Down
The mild mannered unemployed defence worker just decides to lash out against the world in a spectacularly violent and oh-so angry way.
The breakfast scene is a classic.