The idea of language, written and spoken, is to express thoughts, opinions and ideas. If Jordanetta can get his message of ‘let us join up later for some jolly good daisy chaining’ across to his peers, using only consonants (not that he knows what they are), then his language is legitimate.

The English language is littered with grammatical concepts not taught in English schools, and we ignore them, some may say, at our peril. We no longer learn about the subjunctive, predicates, articles, and the like. We don’t have a CLUE what they are. (Well, I do, having to teach from an American curriculum) Are they important? Can we get by without them? Not really, and of course.

We can pick and choose the rules of the English language to suit our purpose with a liberal abandon (has liberal become a euphemism for gay? Just ask the right wing). Surely no one would quibble over whether we end our sentences with a preposition!

Except, there are plenty of people who WOULD quibble. They are the older generations. Oh, sure, our parents might not give an asterix about grammar, but you can bet your bottom pound sign that their parents did.

We, the former next generation, have become the incumbancy. Our language is now viewed with niaive contempt by the youf of today. They reject our need to aspirate vowel sounds and eschew perfectly perfunctory abbreviations in favour of their own seemingly illiterate thumbed expressions.

But this is evolution (try telling an 80 year old you can start a sentence with ‘but’), and just as these chavs are able to use their opposables to deftly input these incomprehensible messages thanks to the evolution of our ancestors, they are also able to make themselves understood by their peers, and not by their elders (and superiors).

This is how language evolves, and as much as we, the righteous and the indignated, may puff out our feathers, this is inevitable.

Just don’t EVER try to communicate with me using text type, or I will smash your pimped out Nokias into your pimply faces… filthy chavs.

If a perfect balance can be struck between the two governments, then great.
If you prefer not to have safer roads, protected wildlife, and, well, less AIDS, come to The Bahamas!

No government is perfect.

I’m not saying that let’s all allow the government to dictate our lives (or yours, since I no longer abide in Blighty) but look at these individual things on merit. The general idea of getting people to cut down on smoking, or stopping people taking it up in the first place is an idea that DOES have merit, regardless of your stance on ‘interferencism’ (I hope I just coined a new word). People who currently smoke are not going to be harder off by this.

He only bobs up at Christmas, leaves with a pretty crap song (alongside a ropey calendar many women of a certain age find in their stockings) and then buggers off in time for New Year. But the worst thing is the crappy song sticks around for years to come…

Thanks Cliff, perhaps give it (and my ears) a rest this year, that would be the best Christmas present ever!